The darker the tunnel, the brighter the light at the end of it. From a fixed mindset to one of growth... and onward.

This semester I transferred to ASU as a junior. Since being young I have imagined myself attending a university but never really thinking it would come to fruition. I spent many years thinking that college wasn't for me and for many years that thinking won out over reason. Tough times can cause you to change your mind about the things you think you know about yourself (I think we normally call this hitting rock bottom... but you don't have to hit the bottom to know things need to change). Each of us has waged our own internal battles throughout our lives... our self doubts can become an intoxicating miasma of despair. So, before the nation faced its own battles by an onslaught of ridiculousness, which we will remember with disdain and embarrassment for years to come, I was inside my own head... sowing the seeds of distrust in my own abilities, questioning my worth, chipping away at my own confidence (destructive habits seem to be having a field day in the US for the past four years). By the end of this internal self-destruction I had no idea who I was any longer. At this point I had nothing else to lose (in a non-monetary sense), so I did what I always did in situations that became too hard to handle, I started looking for a way out. I have to be thankful to my past self for having great reasoning skills, I borrowed those skills for this task. I found a way for myself to improve things through education, and even though I had no guarantees that it would work, the alternative was to stay where I was and sink deeper into wherever I was sinking. Coming back to school was just an idea though, actually committing to the process and giving myself over to it caused a change that I wasn't expecting. I started to slowly lose the bits about my former self that were troublesome to where I was heading, in most cases this was a blessing but in some cases it was a bit alarming. Some of those bits of my former self were coping mechanisms, of all sorts, and I started to lose even more confidence when they went out the window. My confidence was never based in much reality, at least I don't think it was looking back, I was trying on someone else's truths in order to convey a confidence that was undeserved, my own confidence needs to come from my own successes, my own work, my own celebrations, and my own connections with others. I'm still finding my confidence, and as I discover what fuels it, I have less anxiety over being an impostor. Sharing my truths is something that I'm enjoying more and more, the last thing I want to do is to be an impostor role-model who just by existing helps to enable subsequent generations of people like me to grow up and fill those useless shoes... clown shoes. These changes that I've made lead me back to where I am right now... I made it into a university, I'm doing the thing I doubted that I'd ever do. Was it easy, no... Was it hard, sometimes, but it was never as hard as my brain convinced me it would be back then. For those of you doubting yourselves, just know this... You can do it, the hardest thing about investing in your education is that it takes time... you were all born with the capacity for greatness, and not just any sort of run of the mill greatness... it's the kind that is earned through your endeavors, by your sacrifices, your commitment, and all of those other skills you are learning to develop right now.   

-If it is easily gained then it can be easily lost.

-Choose a path that reaps the benefit of satisfaction, for this can be shared without limitations.